The Skinny White Boy KastPod

When I was a little boy, I walked to and from school. Yes, this was in the “dangerous” inner-city of Amsterdam. The school was also within 30 minutes, walking distance, from our apartment, and my mom had a rule… If you could walk it withing 30 minutes, you didn’t need bus fare. Not to mention there wasn’t any bus stopping there anyway. In one of the tiny little streets on my way, one of many as this is, and was the city center of Amsterdam, there was a barber shop.

The barber shop was owned by a guy, an old geezer, who was also the master make-up artists (grimeur) for the Dutch Royal Operetta Company.Not that I have ever cared for that kind of music, but the man’s shop window was always filled with wigs and costumes and make-up. As a little boy I was mesmerized. I spent more time with my nose pressed against the shop window then I can remember.

One day, when I had my nose firmly planted against the picture window, standing on my toes to get as good a view as was pre-teenly possible, I heard a deep voice. “Boy,” the voice said, “That hair of yours if getting awefully shaggy. Let me take care of that!” I looked up into the friendly old face of the barber shops’ proprietor standing on the stoop leading into the old building… I told him I didn’t have any money, and he told me not to worry, we would take care of that later.

While he was snipping away at my hair, he asked me why I was looking in his shop window every day. I told him that I liked theatre, and especially that I fancied myself somewhat of a make-up artist. “Oh really?” he said. He finished my hair, and then put some left over stage make-up in my hand as he gently pushed me out the door. “Your mother must be worried about you. Go home, I’ll see you tomorrow”.

The next day, when I walked back from school, old Mister Schroeder was standing in the doorway of the barber shop. “Care for some tea?” he asked me. I was sat down in one of the three barber chairs in his shop. He picked up the phone on the counter where the cash register was and before I knew it a friendly lady came down with a tray holding two cups. She presented my with one and gave the other to her husband.

Mr. Schroeder showed me a door. “When customers come in,” he said, “go in that door. It leads to a set of stairs. Just walk up and my wife will take care of you.”

The barber shop smelled wonderful. Shampoo, hair water, old fashioned stage make-up. Every once in a while I watched the old Mr. Schroeder give someone a shave, but mostly when customers were in I would be whisked away to the upstairs. A place where there was always tea and cookies, served from a beat up tin by the wife of the barber.

There is a wonderful celebration in the Netherlands. Kind of like Christmas, but not quite. On December 5th, The old Saint Nicholas comes to bring presents to the good kids of the children of Holland. The old barber didn’t change his window display much, but for St. Nick he would go all out. It would have St. Nick costumes, fake beards, more make-up… His store would always have a tray of cookies on the counter, and he would always invite me in to watch the “making of St. Nick”. Somehow whenever I finished school he’d be working on dressing up and doing the make-up for another ” mall sinterklaas”.

Then, after countless free haircuts, but long before I had my first paying gig as a make-up artist — yes I dabbled in that before becoming a software developer — the old man told me it was time to retire… He didn’t waste much time either. Before I knew it the familiar barber shop had changed into something that resembled a Starbucks. It only took days to transform my favorite after-school hangout into something that could sell CD’s along side latte.

In the years that followed, I can’t begin to recall what kind of shop has been in that location. I haven’t been in Amsterdam for a while. But whenever I walk past that building, I see an old man in a blue barbers’ coat standing in the doorway. And whenever I walk past, I smell brill cream and grease make-up… But all I want, is a cup of tea. Sleep well, Mr. Schroeder, where ever you may be.

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Long time no see folks! Music, Music, Music, as well as me rambling about my love for little Nina, reconnecting with old friends and moving from Oklahoma to Tennessee. It’s kind of a “Something old, something new, something borrowed, nothing blue” episode. As per usual, the banter is about nothing in particular and the burps are loud. Speaking of burps, we have a new sponsor. After Heineken and Senseo, we are making way for Steel Reserve. Maybe the beer wasn’t such a good move, but the interstate relocation seems to be OK so far. I would give you a playlist, but frankly, I don’t remember… Hahahaha, what else is new? Let’s see, I think I played songs by:

Atlanta Kings, Oaktown 357, Solomon Burke, Fall Out Boy… anyone else?

Just listen!

Two mentally disabled women were strapped with explosives Friday and sent into busy Baghdad markets, where they were blown up by remote control, a top Iraqi government official said. The whole story is here: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/02/01/iraq.main/index.html

I once attended (don’t ask), in the early nineties, the global sales meeting of a multi-level marketing company by the name of Herbalife. This “event” dubbed the Extravaganza was where all the “sales reps” for this dietary-powder-supplement selling pyramid company were jazzed, pepped, motivated, whatever’ed by a well organized team of all together more fortunate high ranking officials in the company. It started with the President of the company (Mark Hughes), suposedly the healthiest man alive (who promptly died at age 40 of heart failure), being rolled onto the stage inside Atlanta’s Georgia Dome in a fake helicopter to his very own theme-song (in this case “Simply the Best”, by Tina Turner). The rest of the 3-day event were a blur of guest speakers and REVOLUTIONARY product announcements. It only makes sense that a company shipping powdered food-supplements would start a line of fragrances and cosmetic products, right? The event was closed by a dazzling performance of Julio Iglesias. Dazzling for the fact that I can’t stand the man, but that I seemed to be the only one there who hated it, and all around me people were asking how it was possible that such a superstar would show up for a free concert. The day after the event, sales sky-rocketed. Not in the least because the sales-reps for this company have to buy the products before they can sell them, and everyone seemed to want to get their hands on the new facial creme. Needless to say, everything was on back-order for weeks.

I can’t help but being reminded of this when I watch video footage of Steve Jobs’ latest key-note. Randy Newman may have been hipper then Julio at one point, but there is at least a small factor of hasbeenism involved. Why is it that people go all ape-shit over total none announcements? A new Apple TV and existing users (oh thank you, Steve Jesus Jobs) will be able to upgrade for free! We have improved the formula of our chocolate-flavored diet-powder and it will be available to all distributors (oh bless you, Mark Jesus Hughes) at no extra cost.

We are not going to mention that if you still have the old cans, you can’t return it. Better sell it quick! If you paid 500 bucks for your iPhone, well tough! We are going to lower the price to 199 dollars. (OK, so that one didn’t happen — But it could!) Why is an upgrade to an existing product news? Why are different colors to the iPod worthy of applause? Now if Steve Jobs brought me world peace, maybe I would thank the man, but it isn’t something I can download from iTunes… An application I don’t like anyway.

When I bought my first MP3 Player, I was already a podcaster. When investigating, I found out that there wasn’t an iPod with reasonable recording capabilities. I found that in an iRiver, which was smaller than anything Apple could sell me (at least at the time). It was available in a color even. WHOAH! While others may be perfectly happy with a player, I needed a recorder. Nothing wrong with iPods, but not for me.

Frankly, I just don’t understand the iPhone. It seems that it’s not perfectly primed for business users and at the same time too feature-rich for casual users. And the battery not being removeable? Everyone knows that if a cell phone gets wet, you need to take the battery out. I can’t say I’ve ever dunked any of my phones in the toilet, but I do have a dog who seems to favor small electronics for chewing. I consider both my dog and the battery technical flaws. Also, you have to look at the iPhone to operate it (because everything is done on the touch screen). That might work on the Nintendo DS, but when do you use a mobile phone the most? Exactly, when you are mobile. I would like to be able to do some things without having to look. And where does that leave the people with limited iSight? And now the MacBook Air… For the third time in rapid succession, Apple has created a device where form does not follow function. Rather, form dictates function. I don’t like to be told how to use a device, I don’t care how cool it looks.

Only one USB port? So if I plug in my external soundcard (yes I am a podcaster, I own one of those) where do I plug in my mouse? And not that I use firewire all that much, but it would have helped with the previous dilemma. And an Apple device without firewire just seems… well lacking. Speaking of lacking, why is there no optical drive? What if I simply want to stick in a music CD? Or transfer some files. Yeah, yeah I know. Thumb drive you say, but guys… There is only one USB port and no firewire! The thing doesn’t have a line-in. I could use my ext. soundcard for that, but again… Only one USB port and no firewire! AND ONCE AGAIN… You can’t remove the battery??

Sure they made the touchpad multi-touch, a trick they picked up from the iPhone. But how often do you really need to scale and rotate pictures? And I faked “multi-touch” moves on my laptop, just to see how it would feel. I had to stop after a minute, because my wrist was hurting!

Whether you wear a mock t-neck or a tux and make your entrance in a helicopter, no Randy Newman or Julio Iglesias will help you when the battery goes out or you choke on your chocolate dietary supplement. When the packaging is bigger than the product it carries, when the packaging becomes more important than the product, disappointment is not far down the road. Probably only 3 levels deep in the pyramid scheme.

That’s what, according to Douglas Adams, the dolphins said when they left earth. Not that I am going anywhere any time soon, or at least I didn’t plan on it, but my podcast seems to have gone. I really don’t mean to leave y’all out in the cold, it’s just that life happens, gets in the way, throws a wrench in things… Just flat out sucks sometimes. There are interstate moves, out of state Christmas parties, and not knowing where I am or where I am going. I am running around but I am not getting anywhere.

That’s not entirely true. I am getting places. They are just places, and not goals in life, but they are worth mentioning. At the risk of pissing off every Elvis Presley fan in the country, I can now say that I know from experience, the man had no taste whatsoever! He was a marvelous musician, but he couldn’t decorate a house worth a damn. Graceland is the absolute most hideous place I’ve ever been. It was a lot of fun and in a way magical to be in the domicile of a “bona fide” king.

And then there is the BBQ, Oh my God, the BBQ. Forget the fish! Gimme ribs, and I might just do another podcast…

I was going to do a podcast about my recent infatuation with the Nintendo DS Lite, and I might still, but in my current fit of love for the little (in my case) white machine, there are things I want to say that I just can’t find the time for to record. As an aside, if you know my podcasting style, you know it will never sound as good in an mp3 as it looks on paper (or screen in this case).

So why is it that Nintendo manages to sell more units of the DS then the Play Station Portable, Play Station III and XBox 360 combined? The Nintendo DS has something that the other three machines do not. It is NOT a hardcore-gamers’-machine-of-choice. If you want cool graphics, fast game play, have a device that also plays DVD’s (or ‘whatever-color-ray, as the case may be), awesome sound, and all that other good stuff you need for a frag-fest… well the DS is going to leave you out in the cold.

Not that the DS has lousy graphics, just not as good as the PSP. It’s not that the DS has crappy sound, just not as good as well… Again, the PSP. However, it is smaller and it appeals to an audience that is far larger then the hardcore game boys (yes, pun intended). The biggest reason for its appeal to that larger audience is the user interface. Let’s face it, there are far more people that are not very skilled at pushing insane combinations of buttons and triggers while using a thumb-stick and a directional pad all at the same time as there are that would.

When I told a friend what was so cool about the DS, he said: Please don’t say it’s the pen! Well guess what? It is. The DS allows me (and all these other poor people that are being misunderstood by the frag-frenzied game-manufacturers) to play games that I would otherwise never play on a computer, let alone on a portable.

But hey, I can sit in the waiting room of the car dealer and play crosswords! Why is that so cool? After all I can sit in that same waiting room with a newspaper. The touch screen and the handwriting recognition make it BETTER than the real thing. I don’t just have today’s puzzle, I have about a thousand. I can write on the screen, and when I make a mistake… Tap tap and it’s gone! Try that with the NY Times and your sharpie.

I have shown the crosswords game to several unlikely-to-ever-buy-a-handheld-game-device puzzle afficionados, and they all PROMPTLY went out and bought a DS and the NY Times Crosswords game. I have to admit that at first I thought that was more than a little nuts. I mean, why buy a 120 dollar machine and a 30 dollar game just to do crosswords? But the fact is, that YES, the experience is so much better, and to get over a 1000 crosswords you would have to buy the newspaper every day for several years. Let’s not forget that on Sundays that periodical costs something like five bucks! OUCH!

But it’s not just crosswords. The user interface of the DS allows gameplay that is impossible on other machines. Take BrainAge, for instance. If it weren’t for the stylus and touch screen, that game would not be possible. In one of the BrainAge 2 challenges, the player is asked to quickly write a series of symbols that correspond to a number. The number is shown and it’s the players’ task to find the correct symbol on the list and write it on the touch screen. Maybe it could be done on a PC, although your hands would be flying all over the keyboard, but it cannot be done on any other console or handheld device.It’s keeping your hand in place and quickly writing on the screen (and the handwriting recognition is phenomenal) that makes it work.

Tetris DS contains a variation on the classic Tetris, that is simply impossible to play if it weren’t for the touch screen. None of these are typical “gamer games”. But that is the beauty of it. Nintendo managed to build a gaming device that appeals to non-gamers. And let’s face it, there are far more of them then there are of us. So the high sales figures, without much press coverage, should really come as no surprise.

I’ve never been a big fan of browsing the web on any kind of portable, or rather pocketable device. If it doesn’t contain a full-size keyboard, it’s just a hassle. And no, blackberries do not have a full size keyboard. whoever came up with the idea that something is full-size just because it’s qwerty should be in jail. I am not alone in this. Basically anyone that ever had to type out a long URL on a cell phone (even worse when not a qwerty lay-out) will have to agree. Then there is the screen size. The web was made for big screens, or at least bigger then those of cell phones!

All that changed when I got the Nintendo DS Browser, which is simply –like the Wii browser, a repackaged version of Opera. While each of the the Dual Screens (DS) is smaller than the iPhone, the fact that there are two them. makes this browser a blast to work with. I can pick between an on-screen keyboard or handwriting to enter text (which all happens in the bottom screen). I can select “overview” mode which allows me to have the entire web page in the bottom screen while the top screen shows me a zoomed version, or I can select to have the entire web page in 2 screens in “SSR” mode which is good for the mobile versions of twitter, gmail, jaiku, and ebuddy (a web enabled IM app).

The DS is not just a gaming machine. Depending on how you look at it, it’s a PDA that plays cool games or a game console that can also be used like a PDA. Step into any McDonalds nation wide and enjoy free wifi access. Matter of fact, whenever the hot-spot is provided by WayPort, the Nintendo DS gives free internet access. Good to know when I am running out of “juice” on my cell-phone data-plan. Again, something I’d really rather not use to access the internet.

But wait, there is more! The DS allows me to play guitar, rather realistically due to its touch screen and stylus. People ported Linux to the DS, others use it to make VoIP phone calls. Notepads, drawing tools, MP3 Players and personal organizers are all available for the DS, that can be had with little or no hassle (read modifications). Another friend mentioned the “one laptop per child” initiative. I honestly think they should have been looking at the NDS. Here is a device that retails for 120 dollars. A far cry from the expensive laptops that are a nuisance to lug around. The NDS is small, cheap and versatile. It does practically anything (if not everything) an expensive laptop can do. What is not to love? Next time you see me at McDonalds, playing with my Nintendo, I’m most likely not playing Tetris, or Zelda. More likely, I am writing a Tweet while updating a database server clear across town, simultaneously being in a VoIP call with my business partner, getting ketchup on my good shirt. Nintendo… Phew, it’s hard work!

Leaving Nina @ home so I can go shop for some house-hold essentials… Trash can comes to mind. What else?

Yeah baby! It’s officical… Well it has been for a while, just took me some time to find the right information, but I wasn’t the only one that thought about Voice Over IP (that’s internet telephone for not-so-geeks) when I realized that the Nintendo DS Lite has built in speakers, built in wifi and (I never realized until I got Brain Age — that slightly dopey, but oh-so-addictive puzzle game) a built in MICROPHONE! That’s all the ingredients needed to make a phone call.

I have been reading about VoIP on the Nina (as you may recall, that’s the name I gave my DS), but I had never seen it in action. This is AMAZING! If you own a DS and the video did wet your appetite, a more in-depth instructlet can be gathered HERE.

Eat that, you iPhone toting snoots!

Today, my Nintendo DS has officially become the coolest device I own. Why? I got the browser, now I can get on the web with it. Big deal, I hear you say, my cell phone can do that. Yeah buddy, but you are going bankrupt on your data-plan! Nintendo is so cool that I can go anwhere where there is wifi and use the web. That means that I can go to ANY McDonalds nationwide, pop open the DS and read my email FREE! Not only that, but how cool is this… Some hackers have been working hard to write all sorts of applications. Even a VNC client! If you’re not as geeky as some (read: as nerdy as me) you may have no idea what it means but, surely you have heard of desktop sharing. Imagine opening your DS and being able to remotely control your laptop at home. Or in my case, sitting at home and remotely controlling 40 server clear across town. WOW! I swear, if someone comes up with a good Voice over IP client. I am throwing away my cell phone. Are you listening Vonage?? A quick test established that… Twitter - Check, Jaiku - Check, Gmail - Check, my own web site… See below!

In honor of this amazing accomplishment I have named my little white toy… Nina Delaney. Her last name is the same as mine so her initials are: NDS (wink wink)